The Nineteenth of November in the Year 2009 A.D.

Dear Diary,

I was on Bookface the other day and you know what really puts a bug in my beard? People who don't friend me. My livefeed consisted of the Union setting up their Farmvilles and then the Confederates stealing all the lost animals the Union found on their farm before I can get a chance to adopt one. Not cool. People ask me why I started the Civil War - this is why. That and they say I look fat in my profile pics - all the ones where I wear my eyeliner and fave band t-shirt and look all mopey. I'M MOPEY CAUSE YOU CALL ME FAT. DON'T YOU BE HATIN.

Anyway, mom gave me all these Bach and Beethoven CDs and I threw them out, lol. Listening to my Marilyn Manson and dressin like Bowie - I love his makeup, oh my GAWD.

Friend me!
Abe

The Twenty-Second of September in the Year 2009 A.D.

Dear Diary,

Wow, gurl, it's been so long! And why are diaires always girls? Girls talk too much and I'm doing all the talkin in this relationship. Do nay unnerstand. You are definitely a man. One of those strong but silent types.

Whut up boyyyyy?

Anyways....tryin to write mah college essay and boy, it's hard to think of topics, so I brainstormed a few:
1. Harry Potter
2. My Grandmother
3. Supernatural
4. Cap'n Crunch
5. Making lists

Eatin me some Steak n' Shake right now. Delicioso, Jesus would say. You know, if he was mexican or sumptin.

BAI
- Abe

The Thirtieth of August in the Year 2009 A.D.

Dear Diary,

I've been thinking about what I'm going to name my kids. Since my wife will be doing all the work, I'm def gonna take advantage of this. Lol, jk, Ann (btw, when I be a-comin' up to yo crib in New Salem? Last time I was there, IT WAS CRAYZAY).

Anywells, I've come up with (for da gurlz):
Priscilla
Laverne
Mildred
Bertha

For da boiz:
Archibald
Ulf
Kelly
Gary-Allen

Tell me what you think! The name that wins will go to the first-born!

- Abizzle

P.S. Be my neighbor on Farm Town/Farmville!

The Fourteenth of August in the Year 2009 A.D.

Dear Diary,

Mom let me have coffee this morning lolol I can't stop moving! I mowed the yard, bought flowers (SHUTUP ULYSSES, I HAVE A PLATINUM MAN CARD), worked a six-hour shift at the Dry Cleaners, tamed a lion, organized my books alphabetically, and read the back covers of my summer reading books. All-in-all, a succesful day.

And probably a succesful night. Read a blog post about Baroque art...lewks awuhsome! Gonna try my hand at it tonight...looks easy enough lol

I'll be Baroque, (LOLOL)
Abe

The Thirteenth of August in the Year 2009 A.D.

Dear Diary,

Started planning my birthday - it's only four months away! - and I've decided to go All-American and model it after that hit television show 'Sweet Sixteen'. I want to be socially relevant and a leader among my peers money-wise....as P.C. says on 'NYC Prep', "It's all about the connections," and I know I'll make many at my Narnia-themed bash complete with an ice-sculpture of myself light up by LED lights, real horses, and as a parting-gift - fur coats like those found in the cabinet/entrance to Narnia.

As luck would have it, one of my friends shares her birthday with mine. I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture when I don't invite her. It'll show that I understand when her birthday is and let her celebrate with a small ceremony with anyone I haven't invited...which will be few and far between.

Happy future-birthday to me,
Abe

EDIT: Realized that last paragraph sounded a little harsh. I'll send her a fur-coat too, don't worry! (LOLOLOL)

The Twelfth of August in the Year 2009 A.D.

Dear Diary,

Mi madre came in and told me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. THANKS. THANKS A LOT. Usually she tells me a week in advance so I can buy DIET dr. peppers and maybe some raisinets or something. If I'm feeling adventurous, I'll think about water and salad dressing. Anyways, I can be thankful that we've made huge advances in medicine blah blah blah I hate leeches and I love House, lol.

(Sin)cerely, ('cause I'm a bad boy, lololol!)
Abe

The Eleventh of August in the Year 2009 A.D.

Dear Diary,

Being cloned is all fun and games until you have to go to school. Ugh, hate high school, ugh, I wish people would stop telling me how my other self had to teach myself to read and I went on to being President. I just want to get to second base.

Anyways, ordered my books and got my schedule. Wrote a poem today:

Wish my acne would go away,
To no God I shall pray (take that Jesus!)

Okay, that's all I got.

Peace Out, (lol, even though I was Commander in Chief of the Civil War! LOLOL)
Abe